In a recent segment for The Talk, Aisha Tyler opened up about her very emotional and difficult divorce from husband Jeff Tietjens.
Aisha Tyler Opens Up About Divorce
Last week, TV co-host Aisha Tyler, 45, announced that her and her husband of more than 20 years, Jeff Tietjens were planning to divorce. The two were college sweethearts and married in 1994. They separated in 2015.
Legal Separation
If you are considering divorce but are unsure of the finality of it, you might decide to try a legal separation first. Legal separation is a great tool for spouses that are unsure about divorce because it allows couples to live apart and take a “break” if needed, while also ensuring that each spouse’s legal rights are protected.
A legal separation is often the first step towards divorce. A couple is still technically married during separation, thus allowing them to live separately while retaining legal rights to property, child custody, and other agreements. Legal separations also allow spouses to maintain their married legal status in order to still receive health care or other rights.
Legal separations can also be called: “judicial separation”, “separate maintenance”, “divorce a mensa et thoro“, or “divorce from bed-and-board.” All these terms refer to the legal process by which a married couple formalizes a de facto separationwhile remaining legally married.
Steps to Legal Separation
Here are the steps you will take to acquire a legal separation:
- You (and your spouse if you are able to work together and still communicate) will need to decide on grounds for your separation: incurable insanity or irreconcilable differences that have caused an irremediable breakdown of the marriage.
- Fill out a Form FL-100 Petition that includes options for with a divorce (dissolution of marriage) or legal separation. You will need to provide any and all information pertaining to minor children and property. A court will be able to make orders regarding these aspects of your marriage
- If you have children under 18, you will need to complete Form FL-105/GC-120. This is a Declaration under the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act. It provides information to the court that will enable the court to establish if it has jurisdiction over a child. This is relevant if a parent lives in another state and has already started proceedings for child custody in that state.
- Have your forms reviewed by an attorney or help-center. A family law attorney will also be able to advise you on all the necessary steps of your legal separation.
- File Form FL-100 at your local county court and pay any necessary fees. If you receive public benefits or have low income, you might be eligible for a fee waiver. You will need to work with your local court to determine this, as well as determine what needs to be provided for them to waive the necessary fees.
- Serve your spouse with a copy of the court papers. There are various ways this can be completed – either through a lawyer or a process server. There will need to be proof of the serving, which can be done through various means. An attorney can advise you on how to obtain this proof.
It’s important to know that an attorney can help you with every step required for a legal separation. They will handle getting all the paperwork completed and filed.
Tyler Keeps Divorce Private
How you want to handle your divorce is completely between you and your spouse. This can mean that the two of you choose to speak openly to friends or family about it, or you can choose to keep it private, as Aisha Tyler hopes to.
“That’s a very painful thing to go through and it’s also a really painful thing to go through in public,” Tyler said. “I’m sure you can imagine it’s pretty frustrating to have people talking about your private life who don’t know anything about it.”
Her story is not an uncommon one: “My husband and I met when I was a teenager and I’ve been with him for more than half of my adult life,” said Tyler. “It’s very hard when you love someone very much to also start to realize that maybe you want different things for your lives.”
Tyler said she had tried to keep the divorce private because Tietjens in not in the public eye, and does not want to be.
“I don’t, not in any way see this relationship as a failure,” Tyler said. “We loved each other passionately and we lived life fully and we’re trying to let each other go in the kindest way we possibly can … that’s what I’m going to say about the relationship and the rest of it is none of your damn business!”
Tricks and Tips of Divorce
Divorce is an emotional process. But it can also be a financial one, involving lawyers, division of marital property, and deciding on alimony and child support. Those that have gone through the process before know how difficult it can be. Working with a lawyer is the best way to handle all of the aspects of a marriage that need to be decided. Once you have tackled these things, you’ll be ready to start moving forward. Here are some steps you might want to consider.
Starting Life as “Single”
One of the hardest steps of a divorce is the “moving on” step. Once all the dust is cleared, all the paperwork signed, you now find yourself entering the “single” box on your important forms. Rather than view this in sadness, there are some ways to look at your new life with hope and excitement. It’s up to you how you will tackle each day, but in the meantime, here are some suggestions:
Exercise. Exercise is good for anyone, even people not going through a divorce. But it can be especially helpful for those going through traumatic times because exercise helps your body produce endorphins, which are feel-good brain chemicals.
Change Up Your Diet. Emotional times can often cause people to gain or lose weight. Divorce can magnetize these ups and downs, causing them to veer out of control. You can completely restrict meals, or binge on unhealthy foods. Try to get at least three square meals a day that combine protein, fat, and carbohydrates.
Additional Healthy Brain Foods
Omega-3 fatty acids, which are found in fatty wild fish and nuts, have been shown to support brain function and elevate mood. Steel-cut oatmeal provides serotonin-boosting complex carbohydrates, and can also be a comfort food. Just adding a few of these things to your diet can help improve your mood.
Try to Maintain a Normal Schedule. Though it might seem hard to get back to a normal schedule, it’s important that you try to.
Sunshine and Vitamin D. Your body needs vitamin D for its natural processes.
Support Network. Friendships can be hard to maintain after a divorce. If your old social networks are no longer available to you, find new ones. Check out support groups or charities that you’ve always wanted to be involved with.
Relax. We know stress is not good for us. Divorce-induced stress can cause any number of physical maladies. Try to handle stress by treating yourself to restful experiences, such as a monthly massage or a yoga class.
Mindfulness. The positive effects of mindfulness are at the forefront of psychological research right now. This Eastern philosophy teaches people to be continuously in the moment and aware of the present rather than worrying about the past or future.
Consider the Help of a Therapist or Mental Health Professional. If you are already genetically predisposed to clinical depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions, you might want to think about seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist. If you don’t feel open to that, consider seeing a general medical practitioner for an overall wellness checkup that includes a depression screening.
Hold the Brakes on Another Relationship. Consider the single life for a while. This is a great time to re-connect with you!
Working With an Attorney
If you are facing a divorce, you should work with an attorney that will take a vested interest in your specific situation and advise you on what you might face in a divorce regarding property division, child support and custody, and alimony. They will be able to advise you on your options. An attorney will provide support and guidance as you work towards ending your marriage.
For advice on divorce, you need the expert law firm of Law Offices of Korol and Velen, Certified Family Law Specialists.